How a small decision can turn your life around

I decided to take a leap...and share...and here is what flowed out of me. One afternoon at a session in the gulley of grief and wild edges of sorrow. This vision was born.

I did not get to write songs when I wanted to. When I heard them come to me, when they brought my dark world to a place of light-filled sky.

Why did I shut it down? Why did I let the shrills of paternal cast make me feel small?

Why did I not steer away from the shame waterfall?

It was as if the current was warmer there, making it easier to take me in.

Familiar is the feeling and feeling is unfamiliar. Notes still jump to my mind.

Unfinished sonnets, stanzas, haikus haunt my 15 year old self.

Why was it only in the ground where my fingers clawed to get comfort

Instead of holding a pen and letter the words come?

Why was it when the trees could talk, finally, that I heard the wisdom from within?

I am 15 again.

I've met myself again, but I'm not invited in to this house, a domicile, this place of protection

Ants carry their dying and their dead to bring them back to a place of commune

Why is that? Is ritual in every species, every cell, every action?

It is all energy in movement, some is slower moving, some is faster, some invisible

My song is light years away and still it wakes me at 3:30 on mornings when I feel I can't go on

To remind me there is no onward, this is only EVERWARD and everyone needs your words

I mourn you older brother. I mourn the things you would have taught me

I mourn the shoulders I never got to hold on to or cry on

I mourn the pick up game I could have learned from you and your friends

I mourn the world who never knew you

Never felt your imprint, your patience, your empathy, your musings, your sorrows

I know I wasn't the first and that your epoch was cut short

But I think of you everyday and feel closer to you with every dance I take on the wild edge of sorrow and the wonderment of living

#lifestyle #decisionmaking